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Monday, September 12, 2016

Depression Thou Heartless Bitch

This was the worst Depression I have been through yet.  I have been in and out of depression since I was 20 years old.

Over the years I have learned my trigger points and knew when and what to do or not to do, to get out of it. But this time was different, I didnt see it coming, it hit me so hard this time. And it seemed to come out of nowhere.

After my post in June is when it struck me.


I came home from work and from the store, that always puts me on the wrong side of everything. I have no air in my SUV. So I am hot and irritated. I put all the bags on the counter, and my brother said come with me I need to show you something.

So I am hot, I am irritated, I havent sat down all day, I didnt get a break at work. Can't it just wait?  No now.... I started steaming. Come on as he leads me back into the hot yard. Look up over the a/c unit. The wood is rotten and its got cracks in it and it looks like mold. When can you fix this, you know i have ...... bla....bla...bla...bla.... is all I heard. It was my breaking point.

I turned and snapped on him, I said if you want the fncking thing fixed then do it yourself. That was the last sentence I remember saying to him. What he told me later is I went on and on and on about it. Yelling and screaming, he said you was out of your mind. I've never seen you like this.

It was that day that I decided to talk to my doctor about it. She told me she would have the councillor give me a call. She called me the next day and told me that she was going down to part time and she was completely full. She suggest another company and gave me that phone number. I called them and got an appointment set, but it was in over a week.


I called my father to talk to him. Our conversation, went from happy to me being sad.
I made a promise to my mom that I would never ever tell my father our secret, but for whatever reason, I did tell him. For three hours I told him everything, from the age of 8 till now. It was all about being a preachers son.


The next day I went to work an 1/2 early just so I could talk to the GM. I told her straight up that I wanted out of the printing department. She asked me why?  The Supervisor of the department was on my very last nerve. I mean if I say its white, she says its black. The GM said she would try to figure something out.


The morning before the appointment, hurricane Hermine was approaching my state. It started raining and wow did it drop the water. I had a total of 5" of rain standing in my back yard. In the front it was over 12".

Front yard, there is a street out there too.
I called and cancelled my appointment. I was not in mood to drive in that kind of water. Poor excuse but it was an excuse never the less.  My brother hit the roof. He did not talk to me for almost two days. Then he said call them back, call them back. over and over again. lol He sounded like a needle on a record that got stuck.


I got a text message from my boss. It was the next weeks schedule. I looked at it, still in the printing department, but she gave me three days off in a row. It made me very happy. I thought yes a mini-vacation. I called a friend of mine and asked if I could come stay with him a couple of nights? He said sure come on. It had been at least 3 months since I've had 3 days off in a row. I was so excited that I was going somewhere. Somewhere to clear my mind and plus he has a tub. I will get the chance to just lay there and relax.  I only have a shower at my Mobile Mansion.  I spent two wonderful days at his place. It was so nice and relaxing.

On the second day, my operation manager calls me. I almost didnt answer it.  Hey Allen "I know you  are on your mini-vacation, but is there anyway you can work tomorrow?" I said I am not even in town, I went away for my mini-vacation. He said oh I thought you was still in town. Nope I went away, but I will be there tomorrow. They all know I like money. :)  I heard the Asst. Manager in the background saying thank you Allen. The OM said you just made her very happy.

For the past two weeks, I can say I am not completely out of the woods yet, but I am on the road to recovery. Yes I am going to still make an appointment.

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