i am still alive

just wanted to let every one know that I am till alive and kicking. Sorry, no internet again. A neighbor said that I could use hers. So here I am. Lots of things has been going on, no longer with the man. Back home and been working long hours a work.

Me and a neighbor have decided to go into business with each other. I am learning alot from her. We have set up a business plan. Its not finished, and I dont see it ever being finished. Every day we make changes to it.

Thats enough for now,

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Where have you been?

Its been quite a long time since I have blogged. I thought I should update you all on my adventures for the past 4 months.

August

August was a ruff month for me, it was a time in my life for change. I transferred to a  new store, and I had to learn so much, I had to learn the lay out of my new store, (totally different) had to learn new peoples names (like we have 2 Ed's and 2 Laurens - I finally learned to page the department instead of the name. lol)  and  learned how they work as a team.

I learned very quickly that this store has two major groups. One group has been working together since the store opened and the other was a mix of people that just never fit into the first group.

Kudos to:

Our District Manager Doug  - I have been with Staples for going on 5 years now. I have never seen a District manger jump in and work.  Not long after I transferred to this store, I was asked to go to another store and work for the day.

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Chapter 69 of my Life

Chapter 69

A Turning Point in my Life

Back in 2001 I met a guy at the gay church I was attending. His name was David. David and I pretty much hit it off as friends. We talked almost every day.

One day we got on the discussion of Religion. He is a Mormon and I am Baptist. Two different Religions all together. We came up with this great idea to go to each others churches to see what they taught, how the services were things of that nature. Then we decided that the next Sunday we would go to Davids Church.

I told him that we have got to act straight. He agreed completely. David then added that he did not want anyone to know about him being gay. He said he did not want to be excommunicated. I said and I don't want anyone to call my father.

Sunday Morning came quickly, I was up and getting ready for church. I put on a nice pair of pants, and a shirt and tie. (as I was getting ready, I was super nervous) I mean we are going to his real church, we have to act straight. ( I have not acted straight in over 2 years)

I go and pick David up and we head out to his church. I remember pulling into the church parking lot with my hands shaking, sweaty palms, I tried to wipe off before we walk in. We walked a good foot apart towards the door of the church. We go in and there in the Lobby was some of Davids church friends. David introduced me to all of them, and then said come along, I am going to introduce you to the Elder. It took us sometime to find him, but we finally did, the Elder stood up and hugged David, he said its been over a year since I saw you. They started talking, while I walked up and down the hall. I figured they need their space.

We head into their sanctuary, we found an open spot and set down next to each other. Their service was long, 3 hours later we was walking to the car. (I wont bore you with all the detail, but we made it fine with out a problem)

David and I talked on the way back to his house about the service. As we pulled up to his house, I said don't forget next Sunday. He smiled and said I wont.

________

Saturday night I call my Father, I told him that David and I were going to go to his old church. (I always give him a heads up with my dealings with my home church, I don't want to disrespect him)

Sunday Morning comes, I get up and get ready and I am more nervous than I was last Sunday. I go and pick David up and I drive us to My Church. Again while I was parking the car, my hands were sweaty and I was wiping them off. I knew as soon as we step foot in the door, I would be doing a lot of hand shaking. I told David I don't think I can do this. He said sure you can we will be fine. We did alright at my church. I agreed and we left the car.

Sure enough once inside, people were coming out of the wood work to see me. (its like going home)

The service was getting ready to start, everyone was moving towards the Sanctuary, we go with the flow and enter and found ourselves a seat. We sat down next to each other. At the end of the service, we got up and headed out to the lobby so that I could catch up with everyone. David was by my side the entire time. This is how I introduced him:This is my friend David, he is a Mormon and wanted to see what our church was like. Everyone was nice to us, most of them wanted to know about Dad, how he was doing etc. Even the Pastor came over and asked. I enjoyed seeing everyone. It was nice.

On the way out of the building, I lost my balance and bumped into David, our shoulders met and he nudged me back. (most know that I was born handicapped and I have very poor balance.)

We leave the church and we discussed the service and what all went on. I drove him back home and I headed home myself.

About 7pm the phone rings, (no caller ID)

Me: Hello

Caller said: What did you two do at that church?! (It was my Father)

Me: Went in met everyone, listened to the pastor, chit chatted with everyone, and headed home.

Father: That is not what I heard! As he spoke, the sound of his voice was a mixture of anger, disappointment, and confusion. (I felt my knees give out and I fell to the floor) He said he just hung up the phone with the Pastor. The pastor told my Father, that I was gay and that I took my boyfriend to church and we were hanging all over each other, kissing and to top it off, GROPING each other.

Me: (trying to catch my breath)

Father: Son are you there?

Me: Yes, I am and we did no such thing!

Father: There is more...

Me: what?

Father: The Pastor does not want you in his church anymore. You are banned.

Me: WHAT!?!

As soon as I hung up the phone I called the Pastor, no answer.

I called him for over a week, until I got him. I asked why he told my father those lies? He said you are banned from this church, do not come back. He then hung up on me.

That day caused me never to go to any church. I figured if this pastor will tell my Father a bold faced lie, then what would stop others from doing the same. So I quit going to church, even though I still felt like I needed to go.

My Father asks me all the time, if I found a church yet? I always say no.

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Happy Belated Birthday

Back in January, I had a Birthday. Duane sent this picture to me. He drew it free hand. I thought it was real nice of him.

Here is his letter that he sent with it:

Allen,
I didn't have a chance to get you a real card. So I hope you will except the one I made for you. Hope you have a great day.

Duane

I cannot remember the last time, someone made me a card and sent it to me. I like how he put the balloons in Gay colors. I really had a huge smile on my face. It was really sweet of him to do this. I was so happy with this picture, I went and had it laminated.

Allen

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OMG I did not know that you are GAY!

I was on facebook the other night, playing bejeweled. When a chat screen popped open. It was a Preachers Kid that I know. We have never talked in chat before. So here out of the blue he hits me up and says: "OMG I did not know you are GAY!"

I sat there looking at it dumb founded. I thought everyone knew. But I remember back when I started my Facebook page, I wanted a page that was "normal". Since my father was one of my friends. I just did not want him to get flack from his Preacher friends about who I sleep with. (its none of their business) (but I know how they gossip)

I sat there for sometime trying to figure out if I was going to lie to him or just tell him the truth. I went with the truth. I said yes I am. Then I asked "how do you feel about it?"

His reply was "no big deal". Then he said "It threw my dad for a loop". I am sure he is going to report back to his dad, and say yep Allen is gay. So I had to add this: I live with two guys, one is an ex-preacher and one is an ex-deacon. He quickly replied do I know them? I said you might know the deacon, but I do not think you know the preacher, he was from a different church.

I had to ask "how did you find out?" he replied "your facebook photo - I want to be just like Barbie. I laughed.

He told me that another Preachers Son just came out of the closet. That did not surprise me at all. I am sure there will be more before you know it. He asked how did your dad handle the news? I said go to my confession and read it. I guess he went to read it cause he signed out of Facebook.

I decided to post this on facebook so that the rest of my friends could know. I need to get it out in the open. I just hope that all the Preachers will leave my father alone. I hope they talk directly to me. We will see.

Allen

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Huh - I have Proof

In 1987 I wanted to be a police officer. I found this program with Indianapolis Police Department. It was called the Civilian Volunteer Police. We had no real police powers. It was more of an entrance into the police field. We did however go throw the police academy for this program. We were to assist the police officers when there were traffic problems. Such as an accident. We were to respond and direct the traffic. We directed traffic for major games such as: Colts, College games, and special events around the city.

I had worked for the program for about a year, when I joined the Indiana State Capital Security Police Department. With this Department I had full Police powers only on State properties. We guarded the Governors Mansion, Capital Building, State buildings, State offices, State Parking Garages and Parking lots and State parks within the City.

My second day on the job, one of the other officers asked if my bullet was in my pocket. I looked and him weird. The day shift Lt said, you know, he doesn't look like Barney, he looks more like Opie. My boyish face, gave me a name that suck with me for the entire 10 years that I worked for the State.

________ True but funny story ________

I was working the 2nd shift one night, and we got a call that one of our warehouse was broken in. We jumped into our police cars and flipped on the lights and sirens. Drove to our destination, pulled our guns out and checked all the outside doors and windows, nothing was broken, we then entered the property. We were pretty sure it was an alarm malfunction. We had to do a floor to floor sweep. My boss at the time suggested that we take different floors to speed up the process. I did what I was told. I ran up the stairs and hit the 3rd floor. I went into the offices, slowly, looking, moving through the dark rooms. I entered this one room and there was a guy pointing a gun at me. My heart sped up, my hands were sweaty, my brain was in full gear and I almost shot him, but then realized it was a full size mirror. My boss called me on the radio and told me to meet him on the second floor. I ran down the stairs and he looked me weird. He asked are you alright. I said yes I am. He said you have no color in your face. I told him the story and I thought he was going to pee himself. He laughed so much that he told the entire force. I never lived that one down.

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Allen's Resume

Allen McAlister
North Lauderdale, Florida

Skills Profile:

Excellent communicator with all levels of management.
Swift learner of new ideas and initiatives.
An innovative creator of new Training programs.

Work Experience

January 2007 to Present
Leading Web Solutions, Indianapolis Indiana.
Online Marketer

Reviewed & Installed Game Submissions
Created Back Links for the site
Developed profiles on social networking sites
Created advertising videos

May 2005 to February 2007
Staples, Southport Indiana
Copy and Print Specialist

Register, Budgets, Copy Jobs, Inventory, Designs, Special Orders, Managed 6 employees.
Knowledgeable of Office Supplies Department & Furniture Department.

March 2004 to May 2005
E-Z Window Cleaning Company, Indianapolis, IN
Manager

Marketing, Sales, Window Washer

June 2003 to March 2004
Indiana Department of Administration, Indianapolis, Indiana
Mail Room, Store Clerk V

Sort incoming interdepartmental mail, Pick up and deliver interdepartmental mail/U.S. Mail. Deliver completed orders from Central Printing in the Government Complex.

April 2001 to June 2003
Allen's Window Cleaning Company, Indianapolis, Indiana
Owner/sub-contractor

187 accounts, with a total of 3,740 windows to be cleaned each month. Worked all over the state, including Anderson, Muncie, Morgantown, Lafayette, Greenwood, Whiteland, Greenfield, Greencastle, and Indianapolis.

June 1998 to April 2001
Electric Umbrella, Epcot, Walt Disney World, Lake Buena Visista, Florida
Money Counter, Coordinator of Training, & Flyte Team Member

I could fill any position within the Electric Umbrella, i.e.: Cashier, Counter, Kitchen, Food Handler, Culinary, and Coordinator of Training. Our training team trains 40 college Cast Members and 30 regular Cast Members a year. Made a training video and power point presentation for new hires and Cross U's. I won the Guest Service Fanatic drawing for all of Epcot. As a Flyte team member I was trained to work in any location within Future World i.e.: Foods, Merchandise, Attractions, and Custodial.

Training and Certifications/Qualifications

1. Disney's Train the Trainer
2. Learning to work with people
3. Lessons in Leadership
4. Time Management
5. How to be a great Server
6. Pluto's Pursuit - Learning to work as a team
7. Hazard Communication

(Click to enlarge)

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Pink Floyd - Senator Evan Bayh - Donald Trump - The Back Street Boys - Dave Smiley

What do all these people have in common? I have met them.

This is my Famous People that I have met page.

Cowboy Bob Show - He had a morning show for kids, on channel 4, with fun stuff and cartoons. I met Cowboy Bob back in the early 70's, when my dad invited him to church. I dont know how much my dad had to pay him to come, but it was worth it in my eyes. Cowboy Bob brought his horse Trigger too. I actually have a picture of me sitting on his horse.

Janie's Show - Back in the early 70's, her show was on channel 4 too, fun stuff and cartoons. I did not meet Janie until the late 80's. My mom at the time was working for School # 114. She told me that Janie was the music teacher there. I went to the school one day, to visit Janie. She was a really nice lady.

Pink Floyd - In the mid-80's I was working for a Tool Rental company - I was a driver, I delivered the tools out to the construction jobs. I delivered a large air compressor out to the Hoosier Dome for a concert that was happening later that evening. For the life of me I could not figure out why on earth they wanted a huge air pump - this air pump was used for jack hammers. Once in the Hoosier Dome, I met the manager, I explained how to use the pump, and the manager said hey follow me. I walked behind him to this room, with two guys standing outside of the door. The manager said he is with me and we walked in, inside was a bunch of people. I at the time was not a fan of Pink Floyd - nor did I know who they were or what they sang. The manager said, Allen, (name on my uniform) I have to go take this call, I will be right back. If you are hungry go ahead and eat. There was a buffet set up. I thought oh how cool. So I grabbed a plate and fixed myself some food. I am not the type that will just stand in the corner, I like to mingle and talk. The topic of the room was the rehearsal that just happened. I worked myself around the room, until I got into the back of the room. There was an open seat, so I thought I will go sit down. The problem was the seat was in between two guys that had their feet up in front of them. I walked over to one of the guys and said excuse me could I sit there, the guy moves his legs and I sat down. Their conversation stopped, they all just looked at me. I say hey how is everyone today? One of them says "Who are you?" oh I am Allen and I just delivered a air pump, as I am chowing down the food. Excellent, now we can get the pig started. I thought pig? I asked what pig? We blow it up and float it down to the stage. I said cool. The manager walks up behind me and says there you are, he chuckles and says "I see you have met the band"

Gov. Evan Bayh - in the mid to late 80's I was working for Indiana State Captiol Security Police Department. I was walking around the Captiol building one night, I saw Gov. Bayh and Mrs. Bayh walking down the street, I walked up to them and asked them how their evening was going, they said it was great, and how beautiful it was out that night. I did my duty and walked them to thier car.

Donald Trump - In the early 90's I was working for Indiana State Conference Center, there was a very large meeting going on in our Auditorium. The news media was there, people every where. I was walking out of the Auditorium, and hit shoulders with a man that was taller than me, and had blond hair. I appoligized to him, and he said no problem. I guess he could see the stress on my face. He said " a piece of advice" I thought here it comes - he said "Real Estate"
I never put it together until I got back to the office. I was telling my boss what happened, and she asked where he was, I said out in the Atrium. She walks out to the Atrium and comes back to the office and said you walked into Donald Trump.

The Back Street Boys - In the late 90's I was working at Walt Disney World, Epcot, Electric Umbrella. One night I worked a double, I was exhausted. The park was closed and had been for over an hour, as I am walking in the tunnel, up to the bus stop, I hear a pargo behind me, so I naturally move over closer to the wall. The pargo was flying, and missed me by inches, I actually saw my pant leg move. I was tired and lost control, and said HEY really loud. I see the front of the pargo go down and hear the squealing tires, I thought oh great 5 teen age boys against me. This is not going to be a pretty site. The pargo goes into reverse, they get to where I am and the diver said, oh man I really got close to you, sorry. As I am looking at them, I was thinking to myself where do I know these faces from, I couldn't put a name on it, but I knew them. I scolded them for driving like that and told them to be more careful. The driver agreed and off they went again. I see the bus, and I wave it down, as I stepped on the bus, I said OH MY GOD that was Howie! The bus driver said who is Howie, I said from the Back Street Boys. The driver said yeah I heard they were in town. I started laughing and said, I just scolded them for driving a pargo crazy. The driver started laughing with me, and said maybe they need to hear it.

Dave Smiley - In mid 2003 I was working for a window cleaning company. I was just about to finish up a job at a bridle shop. This guy walks up behind me and said looks good, we had a short conversation about window cleaning and general things. It was a very nice change. Normally people act like you are not there. Or they say " you missed a spot" trying to sound funny to their family and friends. But not Dave, his conversation was real and not fake at all. After he left and I finished up my work, I went in to get paid, I asked the owner who he was, and they said he was the host for the morning show on WZPL. I started listening to his show.

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My Goals (past to present)

I have all ways had Goals in my life. From the time of about 2 years old and up I have had them.

Allen's Goals

1. Learn to walk.
2. Learn to walk in cast.
3. Learn to run in cast.
4. To get the cast off with out being cut. They used a arm saw back then, to cut them off. (yes it scared the living crap out of me ever single time. )
5. Learn to walk again on my weak feet.
6. Learn to run again.

This process happened at least once a year. Until I was 18. I was born handicapped.

Allen's Goals (con't)

7. Graduate High School
8. Be a police officer.
9. Get married.
10. Work For Walt Disney World.
11. Get a divorce.
12. Come out of the closet once an for all.
13. Find a husband and have kids.
14. Make one million dollars.
15. Move out of Indiana.
16. Move some where it does not snow.
17. ??

So now I am walking down my path of life minding my own business, when all of a sudden a stop sign appears. I am looking at which way I should go, but for the life of me I don't know. I look one way and I see lots of sun sine. I look another way and see college. I look straight ahead and I see two kids turn their lives around and become something in life.

The thing is I want all three of them. But how do I do them all?

Allen

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Confession

I can remember when I realized that I was gay, I was about 8 years old. It was a scary time. I was in the "closet" further than anyone knew.

When I was in my early teens, one year I dressed up as a girl. I had no clue what all went on with this, oh man the makeup and all that stuff. Oh wow, I don't know how they do that every day. But I went to this Halloween Party. I only knew one person there. And he left me standing there, I went and mingled, I ended up hanging with the girls. It was fun. As the party was coming to the end, there was a costume contest. They were picking the best costume. You know I won that hands down. Everyone there except my friend, thought I was a girl.

Christian middle school, is where I learned how to kiss a guy. I was snooping one day and entered this hall way and at the end of it was what I thought was an empty room. As soon as I entered the door, I saw two guys a few years older than me, they were kissing. I just stood there frozen. This I have never seen in my life. When they spotted me, watching them they were upset. They was more angry that someone found out their secrets. They pushed me up against the wall and threatened me, they started to hit me, when I yelled wait, will you guys teach me how to kiss? They were a bit confused. I thought it was the only way out of this horrible situation that I got myself into. I was not a fighter then, I was a skinny boy and scared really bad at that point. They did teach me how to kiss.

At 16 I had to teach myself how to

look at guys in public without them knowing I was looking at them. I had to watch their eyes, see where they are looking and then take a quick look. It became an art. I perfected it very well. I also have learned a lot from watching peoples eyes. I cannot tell you how many straight guys, I caught looking at guys. With their wife/girlfriend right next to them. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret.

Gaydar kicks in - I started knowing who was gay around me. It's a feeling, and it is just weird.

At 17 was the point where I actually asked myself if I was gay. I said I cannot be gay. I am a Christian. I am a Baptist Preacher's Kid. I cannot be gay! The Bible says how wrong it was. I became so very depressed that I almost killed myself. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was hard on me.

At 18 two of my friends came screaming out of the closet. I felt more scared then. I didn't want anyone to know that I was gay too. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 19 things started getting back to a norm. I wasn't scared anymore, and I was talking to my gay friends now. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 20 I am fighting myself once again. This time I was depressed to but instead of trying to kill myself, I just cried all the time. I remember one time that my mom asked what was wrong. But I just could not tell her. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 21 my life went nuts. On my birthday, well I went to two bars, first I went out with my straight friends, then I met my gay friends and we went to the gay bar. I danced my night away. I was dancing with hot guys. I was having the time of my life. There was this one night that I was at the gay bar, I saw this guy across the bar, the closer I got, the more he looked like, no it couldn't be. He was a family member of a preacher that I knew. I walked up to him and he was freaking out. I calmed him down, and we talked the rest of the night, mostly about camp, that is where we knew each other from. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret.

At 22 member of the church came to me often and asked when I was going to get married and have kids? I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret.

At 25 I married a girl. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 28 I told my wife I was gay. (she said that explains it) She told me I could look, but never touch. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 33 I told my father I was gay. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 34 my father and I are speaking normal again. My father never stopped talking to me, but it was different. I did not tell him for shock value, I had to tell him, because of his ministry. I didn't want anyone to tell him that I was gay. I wanted it to come out of my mouth. I am in church, learning about god. But I have a secret. I prayed every day to have this demon removed from me. I begged the Lord to remove the feelings, because it was to hard on me.

At 36 I got a divorce. I was ready to be out for once and for all. I tried for 20 years to be straight, to act straight, to think straight, to walk straight, to talk straight, to watch my every move.

At 36.5 I came screaming out of the closet. My screams became very loud, when my ex-wife went to every friend, church member, everyone that I knew, including co-workers and told them I was gay. I am glad she did, it made it easier on me. At least I didn't have to figure out how to tell them. =o)

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Allen from Indiana

A little about me and
where I am from.

This is me

Home Town - Indianapolis, Indiana

Indianapolis Downtown - Canal Walk

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I worked for the State of Indiana for 11 years.

Yellow Roses - My Favorite

My Back Yard

Sunset view from my back yard.

Mystery - Family Pet


Worked at
Walt Disney World in Florida
Magic Kingdom - Restaurant Operations

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